


Handle With Care

by EnchantedDaydreams



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: CS AU, F/M, cs alias au, cs spies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:43:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3265424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedDaydreams/pseuds/EnchantedDaydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CS AU inspired by the tv show Alias. Emma Swan is a double agent working for the CIA. The charming Killian Jones is her handler. As the pair works to dismantle the organization that betrayed Emma, they also have to navigate the growing feelings they have for each other in a world where it is dangerous to care. Secret meetings, high stakes, and a desperate need to break the rules when it comes to being together. (originally posted on tumblr and ff.net but adding to here now that l have an account)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by Alias but will not follow the storyline. Elements are taken from the amazing show though. Thank you for reading! I'm going to post the 4 chapters already published and then within the next few days the new part will be up. I hope you like it :)

Emma feels the ache in her hand as it begins to cramp, but she can’t stop the forceful pressing on the pen as it flies across the page, rage fueling her words. She is aware of the curious eyes on her, evaluating to determine her motives. She doesn’t care. Suspicion is common in her world of secrets.

_And yet she had been deceived for seven years._

Usually her untrusting nature kept her protected. Emma learned early in her life not to rely on others so when she was approached by the CIA- well, who she thought was the CIA- she was already practiced in reading a situation, using her lie detector on those who conceal the truth. It proved to be an asset during her training to become a secret agent.

“Miss Swan, is there anything you need? You’ve been in here a while now. Perhaps a glass of water?”

She doesn’t look up at the man that has been chaperoning her for the past few hours in this small office somewhere within the Los Angeles branch of the CIA (the real CIA with a seal on the floor and everything. She checked). He has kind eyes and an easy smile, she noticed this when others filtered in and out of the room, but she really isn’t in the mood to make friends.

“More paper. I’m about to run out.”

“Of course.” Within a minute she has a fresh stack of sheets to fill with the betrayal of SD-6. A group she thought was a covert division of the CIA working to eradicate the criminal network of someone that no one knew the real identity of- known only as Hades. Hades, lord of the underworld. It was certainly fitting.

Hades had connections all over the world and was the source of all types of maleficence. His control was vast and he was greatly feared even by those who did his bidding.

Still, he was a ghost.

Emma had spent years working to undo his evil. Years trying to discover who he was so that he could be brought to justice. She had been so proud of everything she had done. She _thought_ she was serving her country. She _thought_ she was making the world a safer place. After growing up alone and then the heartbreak that nearly broke her, she _thought_ she had found where she belonged, where she was useful.

The door clicks open and she feels a new presence enter the room behind her. “Hello, Robin. I was told to report here by Gold. I suppose it’s my privilege to take over babysitting duty?”

She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother to turn and see the man who clearly feels this job is beneath him based on the annoyance laced within his joke. He apparently feels the need to chat, unlike the other CIA workers she encountered, and so Emma utilizes her usually very effective tuning-out skills and continues to pour all of her knowledge onto the paper. She knows this statement could provide crucial information to the agency and help bring down the group that betrayed her. Accuracy is vital when they verify or they could think she is a triple agent.

She focuses her mind on the page and the task.

But it doesn’t work. Emma can’t stop hearing _his_ accented voice. He remains conversing with the other agent and it throws her concentration. She has heard many British accents in her work, his she deduces is real because everyone she has met today works in the office and is not trained for the field (the type of work where you might need to fake an accent), but there is something about his voice. As much as she tries to block it out, it’s very enticing.

Irritation flares up within her as the words no longer flow freely onto the page. She has a serious assignment and this _idiot_ won’t stop discussing the latest baseball game.

“Listen, I know you’re speaking about matters of the _utmost importance_ , when else can you talk about the Angels other than _right now_ while I’m suppose to be providing your agency with intel on a criminal organization? But I’m thinking it might be imperative for me to actually write accurate information in this case, so perhaps we should make this a quiet zone?” As she finishes she turns in her chair with an icy stare to finally face the man and ensure her words have the correct impact.

When she lays eyes on him though, she can feel her impeccably trained body, which normally reacts without any sign on the surface, betray her. Her eyebrows lift slightly at the unexpected sight and her stare loses its sternness as she takes him in.

He is one of the most attractive men she has ever seen. And she has been to all corners of the world. Something about him stirs an unidentifiable feeling within her as he casually leans against the wall with his piercing blue eyes and a face that would inspire countless artists to fill a canvas.

She can see the minor shock etched on that face, but she has a feeling that the cause may be more about her own looks that he most likely hadn’t anticipated than her sudden outburst.

_What is wrong with you?_ She berates herself mentally for the shallow thoughts and perplexing pull she feels towards him since it has momentarily distracted her, and resumes the chilly glare meant to put him in his place.

The other agent, Robin Hood, responds with a repentant expression. She watches as he gives her a nod in apology and then a small smile flickers on his face when he glances at the irritating male model before he turns and makes his way out of the room.

Leaving just the two of them.

Her attention shifts back to _him_ and the look on his face is anything but repentant. He is amused. One of his eyebrows has arched and he bites the corner of his bottom lip in a crooked smile. He practically purrs, “Well, babysitting duty just got more enjoyable.”

_What. An. Ass._

She huffs in exasperation, “Lovely. Just what I needed to top off my hellish month- an annoying flirt.”

His head tilts and he looks at her. _Really_ looks at her, as though he is reading her and trying to decipher what lies beneath. And she feels exposed for the first time in…well, ever.

Emma shifts uncomfortably in her seat as a feeling of vulnerability, one that hasn’t surfaced since she learned how to compartmentalize and hide so many facets of herself for the job, overtakes her. She watches as the cockiness melts from his demeanor and transforms into one of understanding.

“Apologies, lass. I had minimal knowledge of what to expect from the walk-in. Well, from you. I didn’t consider what you’re going through.”

It sounds genuine. She looks for some sort of tell in his eyes, something that would show her he is being insincere or that he has some ulterior motive, but finds nothing in his open expression.

He pushes off the wall and makes his way to the chair on the opposite side of the table where she sits. “The name is Killian Jones.”

She nods, accepting his apology.

Intending to get back to work she directs her attention to the pile of papers filled with her life, but she doesn’t pick up the pen. “Emma Swan.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Swan.” She peeks up to see the smile she heard in his voice and notices that he is eyeing the mountainous stack. “You know you don’t have to write a book? They are only expecting a few pages.”

There’s light teasing in the tone of his voice and she knows he is just trying to be friendly, but she can’t help the steely reply. “The betrayal wouldn’t be covered in _just a few pages_.”

And he is studying her again. The words come out gentle, like he knows the cracks that are ingrained deep within her, hidden beneath a tough exterior. Cracks that threaten to shatter her completely. “Of course not. I understand the need for revenge. It can be so powerful that it takes over your whole life.”

There’s a veiled pain in his eyes and she knows he truly understands. She can see that there is so much more to him and she feels the strong urge to unearth it all. But he continues and the flash of hurt disappears into the depths as he confidently assures her, “You will succeed in bringing them down.”

“How do you know that?” Emma’s voice has a slight waver as the suppressed emotions and the desperate need for that to be the truth affect her. It’s embarrassing how raw she sounds and she wants to look down, look anywhere really, but she can’t tear her eyes away because for some reason he thinks she can do it.

“You don’t look like someone who would accept failure as an option.” Emma can’t resist the tug at the corner of her lips that forms a small smile. He gives a throaty chuckle, “Plus, if what I’ve seen in the short time I’ve been in your presence is any indication, than you are a force to be reckoned with. I’m assuming SD-6 will be running for the hills when they realize you’re coming for them.”

The grin only grows on her lips, but she feels the need to correct him. Defend those who still remain in the dark. “You know they aren’t all bad. Only those in charge and the security department know the truth from what I discovered. Most think what I thought for years- that they are working for a top-secret sect of the CIA. We all thought we were the good guys.”

A fresh wave of anger washes over her as she thinks about all of the people she works with who put their lives on the line because they believe they are serving a noble cause.

Killian leans in, his interest in what she is saying apparent. “So there are only a few that know SD-6 is part of the faction that belongs to Hades?”

It goes against her closed nature, but she wants someone to hear her story and understand she wasn’t easily made into a pawn that they used. It isn’t like he wouldn’t be able to read it all in her statement anyway she reasons and perhaps it would be beneficial to have someone at the CIA on her side when they decide if she is being truthful.

So she tells him.

Emma recounts how she was recruited when she attended the university. A man who worked in US Intelligence approached Emma and told her that she matched a profile. After initially refusing, she met with whom she was led to believe was the CIA and she decided to join. She signed dozens of non-disclosure agreements and began as an entry-level worker, but soon transitioned into training as a spy after excelling in their tests.

It was easy for her. It felt right.

That’s when she first heard about SD-6- or Section Disparu, “the section which has disappeared”. She was told it was a black ops division funded by the CIA’s black budget, which is why it didn’t operate through Langley.

When the transition was complete she was taken to SD-6 headquarters, which turned out to be in the same building as the bank that was her cover job. She advanced quickly from deskwork at SD-6 and within the first year began reconnaissance missions as assignments.

“The retrieval and study of intelligence, both military and industrial, throughout the world that is critical to the superiority and survival of the United States of America.” The words that she once said with pride now turn bitter in her mouth. “That’s the purpose of the division, the party line to have all the duped employees feel like they are benefitting their country. They taught CIA protocol. It was all by the book so there wasn’t an inkling of doubt that it wasn’t the real deal. Nothing seemed off. Their main objective for years has been focusing on Hades and his network because he has had so much power for so long.”

She thought about the missions where she retrieved a weapon or intelligence that Hades’ criminal organization and his competition were after. How intercepting it and keeping it out of their corrupt hands provided so much satisfaction. Now she knows she was just doing Hades’ dirty work and it makes her stomach turn.

She tries to keep her voice even, but she can hear the fury and shame as the words come out of her mouth. “It turns out I was working for the very man I thought I was working against.”

Killian had remained silent this whole time. She could see he was taking it all in and empathizing with her anger. “You didn’t know. How could you?”

Her voice becomes shaky as the raw feelings fight to come out, the ones that she hasn’t allowed herself to actually feel, instead masking them with her hatred and anger. “I should have figured it out. I should have asked more questions, and done some digging earlier on. If I had then I could have avoided…” She swallows hard. “He wouldn’t be dead if I had done my job.”

Emma takes a deep breath in and tries to put the lid back on the overflowing jar of emotions within her. She can’t have this breakdown here. Right now she has a mission. She needs to get the CIA on her side so she can destroy the people that used her and killed one of the few people in this world who cares about her.

_Cared about her._

Killian doesn’t push. She expects to hear him ask in that deep, soothing voice who they took from her, how she was finally able to discover the truth. Instead, he gives her time and let’s her deal with the war between keeping her composure and allowing the pain and heartache to be felt.

She knows that the CIA will have to have all this information, but it was so much easier to stay detached when she was writing it down. She kept it factual and impersonal. Saying it out loud is another story.

After a few minutes of silence he finally speaks, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Logically, she knows it’s true. She knows who’s to blame, but she still needed to hear it because the what-ifs have been tormenting her, building a mass of guilt inside her.  
What if she realized he was tailing her that one day after he began to suspect something was fishy about her bank job? He had been worried she was in trouble and being a detective he was able to act on his suspicions.

What if she had gone to him and explained why she lied about her life, why she kept being a CIA agent from him instead of giving him his space to process? She wouldn’t have come back from her mission in Italy with a drunken voicemail from him explaining that he understood and it was fine. She wouldn’t have gone to his apartment and found his lifeless body. There was so much blood and then realization that this was done by the people she worked for, the signs of the execution all there. He was murdered because he knew about SD-6 and was a liability. She knew that SD-6 were not the good guys when an innocent life was so easily taken.

And the biggest what-if of them all, what if she had never let him into her life? She is poison and isn’t meant to have anyone care for her. He would still be alive if he never knew her.

“Hades and all who knowingly work for him are the ones to blame, Emma. They will be brought to justice. This.” Killian’s right hand moves across the table and lands on the papers in front of her. “Everything you know about them will be their undoing.”

He is giving her an out. Letting her know that she doesn’t have to finish her story or tell him about the death of one of the few friends she has outside of her secret life. She doesn’t have to expose the pain. Emma can just go back to her mission, finish her statement, and keep the memories to herself for a while longer.

But for some reason telling this man she doesn’t know, this man who she feels connected to even though she knows nothing about him past his name, makes her feel safe. Like she can handle the weight of her problems.

“His name was Graham. One of the few friends I have. He was always there for me, but being a great detective allowed him to see the cracks in my cover and he eventually found out.” Her voice had cracked and she could only look at her hands in her lap as a few silent tears tore through her resistance. “He was killed because of it. I confronted the head of SD-6, Peter Malcolm, and he confirmed it was their doing. He justified it as the need to contain secret information despite him wishing there could have been another way. But I could see past what he was saying. I have a sense, a talent, for lies and it finally worked with him. Beneath his words, I could see there was something else going on. So I set out to find what it was.”

Memories of her own personal operation were fresh in her mind and easily detailed as she had only returned the day before. Her journey led her to a crime syndicate in Taiwan on a vendetta against SD-6 and that’s were she discovered the truth. Her enemies knew more about her organization than she did. Emma was able to infiltrate and take down the group, bringing the disk they were using to collect blackmail on leaders of SD-6 to Peter Malcolm.

She had to stand before him like she didn’t want to kill him with her bare hands. She hid the disgust and convinced him with the gift of the disk that she was not going to defect. She was still loyal to the “CIA” and had only needed time to understand they were in the right.

“He still thinks I’m unaware of the truth and on top of that he was grateful enough to give me a few weeks off after I gave him the disk, which ‘could have compromised our whole operation in bringing down Hades’. He told me to take time to recover and I came directly here.” She tries to cover up a wince at the surge of pain in her upper left arm where she had yet to attend to a nasty cut she got from her _activities_ in Taiwan. Emma is sore all over, but had felt numb to the pain when she was distracted. Talking about the events where she got her wounds made them demand to be acknowledged.

“You’re hurt. I hadn’t noticed before.” His features alter from the sympathetic and rapt listener to concern. So he hadn’t missed the wince then. She was finding this Jones fellow surprisingly observant. “Is it a cut?”

“It’s no big deal. I’m used to it.” She shrugs her shoulders and masks the ache that flares with the movement. _She was fine._

Emma picks up the pen, “Plus, I have things to deal with.”

His eyebrows lift in disbelief and he gets up from his seat. It only takes him a moment to walk across the room and through the door, shutting it behind him and leaving her alone in her surprise. She waits a few moments for him to return, but he doesn’t so she works on concluding her statement.

She can’t help but be astonished that he left her alone. He doesn’t know for sure that she isn’t pretending- she could have the perfect opportunity now to go bug the place or steal information.

He must have told someone to watch the door or something because there is no way he already trusts her. But she has the feeling he didn’t.

The last line of her statement is being written when he walks back in the room she estimates about ten minutes later. She observes out of the corner of her eye that he is carrying a bag he places on the table. From it he brings out a water bottle and painkillers putting them in front of her. He then stares at her expectantly.

She doesn’t move to take the pills despite the aches. Instead, her eyes narrow as she looks for his motives. What does he get from this?

His eyebrows lift pointedly and he motions with his eyes to the pills. She finally relents when she realizes the discomfort is only growing and she really wants to ease the soreness. As she pops the pills in her mouth and takes a swig of water, his smile is definitely one of satisfaction. He again reaches into the bag for more.

_What is he, Mary Poppins?_

This time he brings out material to clean and bandage her concealed wound.

“It’s really fine. You don’t need to do all of this.”

Killian shakes his head a little, “Swan, don’t be stubborn. You’re about to start a journey to take down a giant evil and it won’t do any good if you’re falling apart. You must take care of yourself.”

She rolls her eyes, knowing that he is right. She can’t continue this numbing disconnect from everything. So she lifts the sleeve of her shirt to expose the cut that she got in moving away from a dagger’s path to her heart.

He sits in the chair beside her leaning in to assess the damage and his proximity has an immediate effect on her. She can feel her heart speed up a fraction as he looks from the wound to her, their faces so close she can see the small scar on his cheek and the different shades of blue blended in his irises.

“Luckily it isn’t deep enough to warrant a trip to the hospital, but I will have to wrap it as Band-Aids won’t be sufficient.” He reaches across his body with his right hand to retrieve the materials to clean the wound and she becomes conscious of the fact that he has been avoiding using his left hand this whole time.

Nothing seems outwardly wrong with it, but he hasn’t moved it at all.

“This may be a bit cold.” His arm brushes against hers and the moment he touches her, she feels this overwhelming desire to pull back. He is affecting her too much. She has never experienced this and she has had to invade the personal space of, and been invaded by, many attractive men in her line of work. It feels as though her body is waking up for the first time after a long slumber.

He is so gentle in the cleaning process that she barely feels the sting from the damaged flesh. She watches him as he disinfects and applies antiseptic, noticing the way his eyebrows furrow in concentration.

_She has got to get a hold of herself_. She needs this silence to end so her mind isn’t free to wander. “Is your hand okay?”

A small chuckle escapes him as he reaches for the roll of gauze. “Ah. I was wondering if you would catch that.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” She observes him bring the roll to his mouth, which he uses to aid in unrolling the bandaging with his good hand. A simple act, but combined with his eyes staring into hers as he does it, she feels the heat of a blush work its way across her cheeks.

“I don’t mind. My hand will be fine, it’s just recovering from an incident that left it temporarily paralyzed. I’m doing physical therapy and regaining more and more access, see?” He brings up the aforementioned hand and she sees the limited function it has, but it does move at least. “The doctors say with time it will heal completely. Unfortunately, the injury means that I can’t do what I was trained for as it would be a problem in the field.” He adds an ‘if you know what I mean” kind of wink letting her know exactly what he means.

Now it makes sense why he is so unlike the by-the-book, stiff workers she has seen all day. Why he truly seems to understand her world. He isn’t a desk agent. He’s a spy.

She gives him a sympathetic smile, as she comprehends the annoyance in his earlier joke at having to babysit. When you are use to action and risking your life, this kind of work seems mundane. He must be going crazy not able to be out in the field. “I’m sorry.”

“So was I. Until it led me to meeting you.” He doesn’t give her time to respond as he brings the final bandaging up towards the abrasion. He places one end on her arm and uses his immobile hand to point to it, finally making her tear her eyes from his. “Would you mind?”

Emma catches his meaning and holds that end in place as he wraps the bandage securely. His touch is filled with tenderness and it soothes her. She already knows she will miss it when he finishes. She can feel the concern, like he is trying to treat not only her physical wounds, but also those that cover her heart. It’s as though he knows how much this means to her, being taken care of, even if she would never admit it to herself.  
She recognizes this is a dangerous road. This could lead to caring and she can’t have that because she knows what having people care about her does. She wants to run away, she should run away, but she doesn’t.

When she leaves today it will be the last time she sees Killian Jones and there will no longer be a risk. This thought comforts the anxiety from the thoughts, but also brings disappointment. If only she could feel like a normal person, not someone who keeps people out for their safety and her own.

If only her world wasn’t so damn complicated.

Finding the silence risky again, she tells him her statement is ready for authentication.

“Brilliant. Then I shall arrange safe transport to make sure no one from SD-6 discovers you were here.” He fastens the end of the bandage and finally removes the touch that she simultaneously craves and fears. “After it is all verified, Gold estimates a couple weeks, then you will be contacted and detailed about meetings with your handler. That’s when the work to dismantle Hades’ network will officially begin.”

Killian looks proudly at the finished product on her arm, “Teamwork.” He smiles wide, “Looks like we work well together.”

“Yes, it’s too bad we won’t have an opportunity to do it again. It was nice to meet you though and I hope your hand heals quickly.”

“You think now that I found you I’m going to leave you? Not when Swan and Jones is such an excellent name for a duo.” He cracks a grin excited about his secret. “Haven’t you guessed who has been assigned as your handler?”

Realization hits.

Mixed feelings.

“I see.”

“Calm down, love.” He teases in response to her monotone reply. “No need to make such a scene. They had to assign me to something while I’m out of commission.”

Half of her mouth lifts in a small smile. She really can’t help it around him (she is going to have to fix that). He gets up and collects the excess supplies placing it all back into the bag. “Well I’ll make the preparations for your ride.” He walks towards the door and says with utter confidence, “I’ll see you soon.”

It comes out with an edge because she knows that he can’t possibly trust that she will be confirmed and work with him, he can’t know she won’t betray him, “You don’t know that. This could be just a trick, a ploy to get a mole in the CIA. You can’t know that I’m good.”

He turns, looks her straight in the eye and says with no hesitation before walking out of the room,

“Yes, I can.”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I would have posted here first so I would have thought of titles...darn.

It took thirteen days before the CIA officially cleared Emma Swan and the first rendezvous with her was scheduled. That meant thirteen days since Killian had met her, yet she remained in his thoughts.

_What was it about her that left such a lasting impression?_

She is beautiful; there’s no denying that with her golden curls and alluring green eyes. He also hadn’t overlooked her stunning figure that despite being toned from years of action, still looked so soft.

But it was more than her beauty. Killian had felt an instant connection the moment he looked past her tough exterior. He saw a kindred pain behind the mask, one created from betrayal and loss. And also from loneliness.

It had caused old wounds so long ignored to momentarily open up within him and a deep ache in his heart to reemerge. He felt the need to hold her in his arms and protect her from the hurt he knew all too well, but he knew he couldn’t do that. More than just not knowing each other well enough, he understood she needed to hold on to her unfeeling façade and channel her feelings elsewhere. He had been there.

This isn’t something easily fixed. It isn’t a mere scratch, but a gaping hole within her that would take time to heal. In all honesty he doesn’t even know what would close it, he only knows how to survive with it. _Is there even a way to feel whole again?_

He’s still waiting for the answer.

Robin’s voice from where he sits on the other side of the desk brings Killian out of his reverie, “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in a genuinely good mood since…well, you know.” He gestures to Killian’s injured hand and then extracts an apple from the brown paper bag on the desk.

Killian glances at the appendage that’s been such a nuisance as of late. He really has been in a piss poor mood ever since he was brought in for recovery and relegated to the office work he despises. It’s all so monotonous. There’s none of the risk or excitement that he has craved in recent years involved in handling paperwork. Killian has felt trapped in this office for eight months now, bitter that his hand is holding him back and everyone knows it.

Robin gives a knowing smile.

“I think it’s because you get to meet with Ms. Swan today,” he announces between bites of Red Delicious, “I haven’t heard you complain about your new assignment, which is quite the change since you’ve been difficult about everything else.”

Killian allows confusion to show on his face in response, “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. My improved disposition has nothing to do with the Swan girl.” He reaches for Robin’s bag of snacks and snags some pretzels. “It’s just I’ve come to realize that this handler assignment could provide more excitement than I previously thought.”

Robin eyes Killian for his theft and moves the bag out of reach to avoid more plundering of the snacks. “Uh-huh. And where exactly is this excitement coming from if not from being around Ms. Swan? It isn’t like _you’re_ the double agent.”

“Oi mate, are you trying to dampen my lifted spirits? I’ll be putting my own safety at risk too, you know. Getting involved in Hade’s organization, especially as the handler for a mole, _will_ put a target on my back.”

Robin scoffs, “And why does it sound like you are thrilled about that aspect?” He leans in and takes on a solemn tone, “I thought the injury would have made you less reckless. Ever since Liam-”

“Let’s not, shall we?” Killian curt remark cuts Robin off the moment he senses the conversation’s change in direction.

Robin observes his friend for a few moments before letting out a resigned sigh. “Okay, but remember this isn’t a game you’re entering. It’s serious and more than your life is on the line. Emma is going to be in constant danger and you won’t be out in the field to help her if things go south.”

Killian feels a mixture of not only irritation that his friend believes he doesn’t realize the gravity of the matter, but also that protective instinct rise up in him when he thinks of her hurt. “I know and I’m going to stay by the book on this. I’ll just act like you- the ideal handler.”

He gets to his feet and mockingly salutes Robin. “I’ll do you proud, sir.”

Robin chuckles and the soberness shifts. “I am an _excellent_ leader. If you follow my shining example then you will be a hell of a handler there’s no doubt about it. But we both know following is easier said than done when it comes to you.”

_True._

“I know you can do it though.” Robin smiles teasingly, “And don’t think for a second you fooled me. I know you’re pleased you get to work with her on a constant basis.”

“Ah, well think what you will, however you need think it elsewhere. I have work to do.”

Robin mutters “another first” and chuckles the whole way out of the office. Killian rolls his eyes and reflects on how he may need to reevaluate whom he chooses to be friends with as he checks the clock ticking away on the wall.

Only three hours and twenty-eight minutes left before he sees her again and there is a surge of excitement within him (in a very professional manner of course).  
-/-  
Killian has been sitting in the abandoned warehouse for the past fifteen minutes waiting for the time when Emma will make her entrance. They were scheduled to arrive at different times for security purposes, as every precaution will have to be taken to keep SD-6 in the dark.

As soon as he had arrived Killian reviewed the protocol that he would be going over with her. After he finished he did it again even though it was cemented in his mind.

He wouldn’t say this out loud to anyone, but the idea of being a handler makes him nervous. He’s never done it before. Usually he is the one being given mission specs and having someone on the other end of the earpiece set up a method of extraction if things go wrong.

He starts to feel a twist of anxiety in his gut given that he’s run out of things to preoccupy his thoughts and wishes there was something to distract him. The only thing left to do is wait.

While the time slowly passes he takes in the run-down environment that surrounds him. It’s truly what you would expect from an abandoned warehouse, dark and filled with broken odds and ends scattered about the place. Not exactly an atmosphere you would go to woo a lady.

_That is definitely not a professional thought._ He criticizes himself mentally because he knows why his mind went where it wasn’t supposed to go. He knows under other circumstances he would pursue Emma’s affections because he has never felt connected with any woman like he had with her in the minor amount of time they spent together. He would ask her to do him the honor of letting him take her out, but he would make it special because she is special. She is the kind of woman he could picture sharing the one part of his life that he _never_ shared with anyone because it had been so important to him and Liam. Yet for some reason he could see taking her sailing.

He can’t help it when his mind drifts to another place. The smell of salty air envelops him and he can imagine the sound of the boat cutting through the water as the sails fill with wind making it feel as if it were flying. He can picture her presence with the wind blowing through her gentle curls. He can’t see a genuine smile on her face because he has yet to see one in real life, but there is a sense of contentment radiating from both of them in this secret fantasy. It just seems right.

In reality though, he knows that can’t happen. Any time he sees her will be for the mission and they will risk being compromised when they are together. Plus, he is determined to act like the other handlers and that means drawing the line between trusting each other and being too friendly. It’s a complicated relationship made even more complex with the additional danger of being a double.

He senses her only a few moments before he hears a voice bordering on playful, “Looks like you were right.”

She’s good. Very few people have been able to sneak up on him and he wonders how she was able to approach from behind when he positioned himself in an optimal location. Typically he would have felt a new presence much earlier.

“Yes, Agent Swan. Welcome to the CIA.” He can hear the stiffness to his voice and immediately dislikes it. This isn’t him, but he knows the assignment requires this kind of behavior. Double agent means twice the amount of danger and secrecy so he must keep his distance.

Killian motions to the chair near him as he continues, “Please have a seat so we can establish protocol for our future endeavors.”

He would absolutely be making fun of the handler if he were in her shoes. It’s like he’s reading a script right out of the guidebook. With each word that falls from his lips he detests this version of himself more and more. Normally he can adopt any persona easily, as he has had to do on countless occasions, but he is failing at this. It’s awkward and probably even more formal than Robin sounds when he is working with an asset.

_Must be the nerves._

Emma moves to the metal chair and sits as he goes on. “We have to go over all the details in this file, but it shouldn’t take too long.”

Her eyes narrow slightly and he can tell she is evaluating him, probably trying to determine why he has had such a change of character. Possibly trying to see if he’s joking. He sees a flash of something before she sits straighter in her chair and her expression becomes neutral, one for the job. _Disappointment?_

Killian hands her the file, which she immediately opens and begins perusing.

“There are multiple codes and procedures that will have to be memorized before you leave. And you can’t take the file with you for security purposes.”

She doesn’t look up when she speaks, but he can hear the annoyance underlying her even tone. “This isn’t my first day as a spy. Even if I was working for the wrong side, I know how this works. I’m not going to need my hand held like a child.”

Just like that he feels her close off. They are back to the beginning and he has lost any progress from their first meeting where she allowed him to see that sliver of who she is. It’s as if the book has been slammed shut and she is once again letting him only see the cover.

Killian feels the loss immediately. This is the tough, closed-off Emma. The one he knows wouldn’t let anyone, let alone him, bandage her wounds and take care of her. It’s clear that if he is going to be all business then so is she.

He bites back a comment that he would respond with under different circumstances (she’s the one who brought up holding hands) and continues, “Right, well let’s begin with how you’ll communicate details about your assigned missions with SD-6 so that the CIA will be able to create a counter mission before you and I meet.”

He begins explaining how she will throw away a brown paper bag with the particulars of her assignment on it in certain trashcans at the drop sites near places she frequents. How a CIA agent will collect the bag and from there a plan will be formulated to counter SD-6 progress (and ensure they do not obtain more weapons and power), as well as take advantage of opportunities to gather information that will help identify Hades all while maintaining Emma’s cover.

The information he practiced repeatedly is recited easily, but in the back of his mind he thinks about this new dynamic developing between them and how much he doesn’t want it like this.

He details the signal for when they are to meet. She will receive a call from a wrong number asking for Storybrooke Subs because the actual number for the business is only one digit different than her own. This method of contact works well since her phone is most likely tapped and could potentially be answered by her roommate. Killian shows her the varying codes that will be used to communicate and authenticate and watches her effortlessly absorb the information, taking only a short time to memorize everything.

Her focused green eyes darting across the page while processing and storing the data mesmerizes him and he can’t tear his eyes away. She looks as though she is in her own world and he wonders what her thoughts are on everything he has presented since she has remained silent. She doesn’t seem like the type to stay silent on things she has a problem with and he feels the pull of a small smile when he recalls the first time she spoke to him.

It surprises Killian when Emma looks up abruptly, catching him studying her and meeting his gaze head on, but he doesn’t avert his eyes from the intensity of her stare and the electricity in the air that accompanies it.

Instead he fights off the smirk that wants to form and carries on, “In case of emergency, if things go wrong on a mission or you are compromised, I will be in charge of making things right whether enacting a back up plan or bringing you in for protection. We don’t want you to be in danger and as you can see-”

“How am I supposed to know you have my back?” Her words are harsh, edged with anger and distrust. “How do I know that when it comes down to it the CIA won’t decide to risk my life for the potential reward? Or they decide I’m a dispensable asset not worth letting SD-6 discover they are being monitored so no rescue happens? What if these _plans_ don’t work?”

He understands her worries and frustration because she is about to do the most perilous thing in the spy world and she has just experienced a great betrayal. He understands why she would have trouble thinking an organization she is just beginning to work with will put her first, especially when she has been working with an organization that doesn’t. He understands where she is coming from and knows she is justified for feeling this way.

But he can’t help the frustration rise up within him at her accusation because how could she think he would do that? Doesn’t she realize how hard he is working to show her that he can be responsible? That he is taking this seriously and will keep her as safe as possible? _He wouldn’t be putting himself through the trouble of acting like a model handler if he didn’t care_.

The frustration shows as he attempts to calmly assert, “The CIA protects it’s own and you are a CIA agent now.”

Killian sees that his words do impact her as she takes them in, but he wants more. He wants her to understand just how invested he is in this because he wants her to trust him and not just the CIA. Plus, he doesn’t think he can truly get through to her if he continues to act like this detached agent.

In a softer voice he elaborates, “You can know that you will be taken care of because we are a team. You’re going to have to try something new and trust someone eventually and I think you will realize I’m here for you. From now on we are in this _together_.”

Emma searches his face and he once again can see a crack of the concealed side of her peaking through as she accepts what he says as true. It feels good.

He smiles. “Remember, it’s Swan and Jones taking the spy world by storm. The most attractive team to grace the planet.” A grin grows as he pictures them as a crime-fighting duo, which would probably involve leather outfits of some kind to verify their badass image. “It’s a pity the public won’t be able to shower us with adoration since the team will have to be a secret.”

There is a look of disbelief before Emma shakes her head slightly with the ghost of a smile in her features, “I presume this means that you’re back to being yourself? Or at least the version of you I met?”

She seems glad about that prospect so he decides to hell with being professional. They are going to be working together for a long time and he would much rather be himself. He would love to see her smile or hear her laugh from time to time instead of having her be hostile around him.

“Why Swan, it looks like you missed me.”

She rolls her eyes, “Actually, I just need someone to be real in my life. There’s so much pretending and lies that it’d be nice to just be who we are. I think both of us need a break from pretenses.” A small smile lights her face as she informs him, “Plus, if I had to deal with annoying robotron any longer than I would’ve had to punch you in the face.”

He laughs at that. “I would have completely understood, love.”

It’s natural and effortless to be himself around her. Giving her the information flows much easier and the time passes until they have run out of things that need to be discussed. Emma hands Killian back the file, but doesn’t immediately get up to leave.

“When we went over call signs you told me mine would be generated before I go out in the field, but you didn’t tell me about yours. If we’re getting to know each other and I’ll have to use it when we’re on comms, don’t you think you should tell me the story behind it?” She raises her eyebrows and the last words come out with a hint of teasing in her voice, “In the file it said yours is ‘Captain’.”

He certainly wasn’t expecting this, but he supposes her showing interest in him is a good sign for building trust.

“What makes you think there’s a story behind it?”

“Oh _come on_. There’s almost always a story attached and yours is _captain_. That reeks of inside story.”

“Quite perceptive, Swan.” He hesitates as he considers how much he is willing to divulge. “Usually I only tell people part of the reason, which is that I own a boat. A sailboat in case you were wondering.”

“You have a boat?” It comes out incredulous.

“Do you find that hard to believe or does it just excite you?” He winks at her and adds, “Ladies do like captains.”

Emma scoffs, “I’m just trying to picture it. I think I can see it even though I’ve never been sailing, typically my experiences with boats are for the job and not for leisure.”

“I grew up around the water and have sailed my whole life. There’s really nothing like it. You get out and it’s just you and the water…it’s an escape. When I’m out there nothing is wrong.”

It pleases him to talk about his passion and share a huge element of who he is with her. While he describes the experience, he sees Emma react with longing to the picture he has painted of freedom from the burden of problems. She softly replies, “It sounds perfect.”

It’s unwise, but the words come out before he can stop them, “When all this is over I can take you and you can experience it for yourself.”

Fool. He discovers that he’s scratching behind his ear, a nervous habit he thought he kicked long ago, and forces his hand to stop as he waits to see how she will respond to the proposal.

“Yeah if you still want to, that’d be cool.” Emma glances down shyly and there is a faint blush working its way across her cheeks.

_More motivation to take down Hades._

She clears her throat and looks back up with her composure regained, “So you said that was only part of the reason?”

“I did, although I tend to withhold the full reason due to its embarrassing nature. It comes from a phase in my youth where I may have had an obsession with pirates.” Killian’s head bows to avoid seeing Emma during his admission. “Particularly Captain Hook from Peter Pan, which may have led to a photograph of me as a young lad dressed in costume as him.”

He looks up and sees the amused expression on Emma’s face. He shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head at the memory, “A picture that Liam, my arse of a brother, took it upon himself to keep framed on his desk and show everyone at the agency when we first started working there. They all agreed ‘captain’ would be a fitting call sign for me after that.”

As much as the story pains him to tell, for more than just the humiliation of his past self, this telling comes with an unforeseen benefit. She laughs.

It’s restrained, but it’s a real laugh. He can see how much she enjoyed the story and picturing him decked out in a pirate costume. It’s as if she has forgotten her troubles. The mood is lighthearted and it’s as if they are normal people getting to know each other, “That’s the best call sign story I’ve heard. I’m going to need to see this picture though, you know, in order to know who I’m working with.”

“Not gonna happen.” He chuckles, “I’m afraid you would be in awe and immediately fall for me.”

“I think I’ll risk it, buddy. If you won’t show me than I’ll just have to arrange to meet Liam, which shouldn’t be too hard since he works at the CIA.”

“He worked at the CIA.” Emma’s face drops when she senses the change and mirrors his soberness. “He’s gone now.”

Killian can see her waiting for him to elaborate, but this is one story he isn’t willing to tell. He hasn’t talked to anyone about it.

She inspects him and must see that it is not a topic for discussion because she steps away from the sensitive material, “So do you have a parrot then? Don’t all pirates have parrots?”

She teases him and he silently thanks her for not pushing the matter.

“You know you may tease me about being a pirate, but I think you’re forgetting who will be there when _your_ call sign is made, princess.” His grin is wicked as he strokes his chin in thought. “Hmmm, I think a princess does suit you.”

“You must be joking. What about me says princess?”

“Well, you certainly have the commanding nature down. Plus, with me as a pirate having a princess counterpart works well. I think that settles it. I’ll arrange for ‘Buttercup’.” He looks at her expectantly for a reaction and isn’t disappointed by the disbelief on her face.

“Really? Buttercup?” Her expression turns triumphant; “It just so happens ‘The Princess Bride’ is one of my favorite movies so that doesn’t bother me. Although you’re definitely no Westley so let’s stick to Captain Hook for you. There’s a closer resemblance.”

“Well you may be blind, but at least you have good taste in movies.”

Emma’s eyebrows rise. “I can see just fine.”

She gets up and he realizes just how long they have been together and how he should have been back in the office by now.

“I guess I’ll see you soon then, Hook.” She smirks and turns to leave.

He is about to retort, but stops because he realizes what he really wants to say. He knows she is going back to SD-6 for the first time since she became a double. “Good luck tomorrow, Swan.”

Emma doesn’t stop walking just calls from over her shoulder. “I don’t need luck.”

“Of course, your majesty.” He chuckles under his breath when she sways her hips confidently as she retreats from his view fully aware his eyes are on her.

_This pirate is definitely in trouble._


	3. Part Three

Emma swipes the access badge she lifted off an unsuspecting employee in the lobby and the door leading from the stairwell to the 9th floor opens. She feels the familiar rush, the excitement that sparks within her as the risk of getting caught grows, and she has to resist the smile that threatens to appear.

It’s her first day back in the field.

She didn’t realize just how much she missed it, probably because she has been so distracted by all the emotions raging within her lately. But she’s addicted to the excitement and the danger and today she is finally getting her fix.

The potential of having to fight or escape buzzes through her body as she scans the hallway checking to make sure her path is clear. There are multiple cameras along the white walls, but nobody in sight.

David, who has been her trusted partner for years, hacked into the system and is looping the feed of the empty hallway so she will be invisible to the guards who monitor the security screens.

He’s in a parked van outside of the building, but she knows he has her back. They have been on so many missions together that the trust is deeply engrained. Emma knows that there’s a special kind of bond that develops between partners because of the countless times they have had to rely on the other in life-threatening situations.

_Which makes keeping the truth about SD-6 from him all the harder._

Emma feels a twinge of guilt every time she thinks about his unwavering faith in the “CIA”. What would David even say if he knew what she did? She can’t tell him that right now the actual CIA is listening to the mission.

David may be in the dark about that, but not Emma. She is hyper aware of the extra set of ears listening as it adds a whole new level of danger given that SD-6 could discover the CIA tapped their communications. _Not because the one eavesdropping is her handler with the gorgeous blue eyes._

The man that for some reason has crossed her mind even in the most inconvenient moments, wondering what his life is like because he is a mystery to her and she wants to know more or even thinking about his incredibly unreal looks. (but only because she can appreciate such a fine specimen)

She realizes her focus has shifted, which doesn’t happen on the job, and pulls her mind back to engage in the present ignoring the silent presence she knows is there. Instead, she confirms the path is clear with David and he navigates her through the maze of hallways to the desired room. They work like a well-oiled machine as he guides her on whether to hold back or duck into a different hallway in order to avoid being seen by employees coming out of their labs.

She has successfully conned her way onto the secure floor of a building in New York housing the prototype of a weapon desired by many criminal organizations, including SD-6. It could give immense power to those who produce such a sought-after weapon and the fact a rival developed it only adds to the incentive for SD-6 to acquire it.

Of course, her boss Peter Malcolm didn’t share this reason with Emma. He still thinks she believes the crap he spouted in the mission briefing like the rest of her team.

**She had arrived at the bank with a knot in her stomach. It was all so familiar as the elevator lowered down to the hidden floor beneath the cover business. But everything was different for her.**

**Emma went through security and was identified by retinal scan before she entered the bustle of SD-6 headquarters. Nothing had changed. Everyone continued on because their worlds hadn’t been turned upside down. She almost envied their ignorance for a brief moment. That is until her eyes landed on her boss.**

**Her first day back and all she could think about were the various methods she could kill him as he welcomed her with open arms. He asked how the break had been and she imagined choking the life out of him while she answered with a forced smile. He told her how much they had felt her absence and she pictured stabbing him in the heart so he could feel what she had felt when they killed Graham and she learned the truth.**

**That’s if he even has a heart.**

**Emma had felt sick sitting at the conference room table where the operations are detailed. She had once been proud to occupy a seat there, but now her coworkers, her friends, surround her as they soak up Malcolm’s lies and all the memories of her time at the table turn bitter.**

**She couldn’t say a thing to them. They believed the purpose of stealing the weapon plans were to keep it out of the hands of criminals and off the streets. They thought they would be doing good instead of collecting it for the enemy they all wanted to bring to justice.**

**David had sat at his normal place on Emma’s right and had shot her a grin every couple of minutes to show just how pleased he was to have her back beside him. When she had first found him that morning and he had pulled her into a huge bear hug. He told her how glad he was that his partner was back as it didn’t feel right working with anyone else. He had also added in a lowered voice that as nice as her temporary replacement was, he wasn’t sure he could take being in the field with Thomas anymore or his ear would fall off. It was well known that the boy could talk and Emma couldn’t help but laugh as her partner shared some stories of assignments with him during her absence.**

**On the other side of Emma sat her good friend Mary Margaret who doesn’t work in the field, but is still an integral member of the team. She provides devices for the more scientific needs of the operation. Emma probably wouldn’t survive without all the gadgets that Mary Margaret designs for the missions. Basically she is the tech geek-all genius, imagination, and kindness wrapped up in a tiny package.**

**Emma had missed her comforting presence while she was on leave and wished she could confess because no one could soothe her hurt like Mary Margaret. She had reached out and squeezed Emma’s hand during Malcolm’s welcome back speech most likely because she had misinterpreted Emma’s hate for the man as discomfort at being the spotlight of a speech.**

**Her friends were so happy the trio was reunited to fight the evil of the world as they had since college. And despite Emma not wanting to be back with the knowledge she now possesses, it was nice to be working with her friends again. She just didn’t want to work with them under the circumstances. All through the rest of the day she wondered if she would break or if they would see what she had hidden so well.**

**Thankfully her years of practice had allowed Emma to maintain her composure. She would have to keep this secret from them and she would have to resist hurting the balding man with the weasel face sitting at the head of the table.**

**At least for now.**

Through her earpiece the familiar voice gives the final directions, “Turn to the left and it should be the first room.”

She follows David’s instructions and then there’s only a door that stands between her and the object she is after. Emma extracts the gadget she had been given to hack the door’s insanely complex lock from her bag. She watches as it decodes and she feels a sense of fascination and satisfaction as the door clicks open. Having access to cool toys is definitely a perk of being a spy.

Her voice comes out hushed as she prepares to enter the room. “I’m in.”

There’s no camera in the lab so David doesn’t have eyes on it, which means she is going in uncertain of what or who she will see. She opens the door wider and slips inside before silently clicking it closed behind her.

A quick initial sweep of the room, which is full of projects in progress, and Emma spies a scientist engrossed in her work. The late hour made it more likely that most of the workers would have left for the day, but apparently this woman is a workaholic.

Emma silently approaches the scientist, but the woman suddenly turns from her work to get something on a nearby counter and spots the intruder.

The lady’s eyes widen and she exclaims in a sharp tone, “Hey you’re not supposed to be in here!”

“Just what do you think you are doing in a restricted area?” Her eyes narrow and she begins reaching towards a panel that Emma assumes possesses a button to alert security. “Who are y-”

The question dies on her lips as Emma’s fist connects with her head and she slumps to the floor unconscious.

“The area is clear” she informs David over the comms. “I’m going radio silent while I collect the device and the records.”

“Copy that.” Her partner replies and their communication is cut off.

She moves to the computer and connects Mary Margaret’s device that will copy the plans then wipe the system. As it begins to do its work Emma reaches out to her silent observers at the CIA on their secure line.

“Come in, Base camp.”

A moment later that enticing and accented voice is in her ear. “This is Base camp. Go ahead, Buttercup.”

She can hear the damn smile in his voice as he gets to use the call sign he assigned to her for the first time. Her eyes roll even though he can’t see her and she can’t help break a little out of her normal professionalism.

“Aye, aye Captain.” She hears a snicker, but he doesn’t say anything as she continues. “I’m currently in the target location searching for the device. Has any further intel been gathered on where the prototype is being kept?”

The last time they talked when she had detailed the assignment to him and he told her the counter mission, neither SD-6 nor the CIA knew where in this lab it would be. The organization was able to keep that secret at least.

“Unfortunately, the only info we have is that it is kept within that lab so you’ll have to look around. I’ll keep an eye on the camera feed outside the door so you’ll have warning if someone is coming at least.”

She scans her surroundings ignoring all the models out in the open. Any potential place is searched until Emma finally finds a safe behind a concealed panel.

“Got it.” She announces as she brings the prototype out of the cracked safe. She stows it in the purse she brought with her and goes to check on the computer progress.

“Fantastic. Just get out of there safe and we’ll see you at the rendezvous.” He begins to say something else, but stops and is silent for a moment before he continues again with urgency, “Wait, you have to get out of there now there’s-”

Killian’s words are cutoff as David breaks radio silence and Emma discovers why she must rush. “You’ve got an incoming security guard about to turn down your hallway. Move.”

Emma swiftly shoves Mary Margaret’s computer device in her purse as it finished the data wipe. She glances down at the prostrate form on the floor and makes a quick decision reaching for the white lab coat on the unconscious woman.

She enters the hallway just as the security guard turns towards her and she takes a deep breath pretending to study the folder she stole from the lab. The key is to not look inconspicuous. You don’t want to stand out as not fitting in or trying to hard to not be noticed. Emma is used to finding the balance and hiding in plain sight, but she is already calculating what to do if she is caught.

Emma sees from the corner of her eye the quick glance he does at the ID badge hanging from around her neck. Luckily this company is so big he must not know all the employees and she looks like she belongs.

As they walk past each other she hears, “Have a nice evening, ma’am”.

She briefly glances up and gives a small smile,“Thanks. You too.”

Emma retraces the way she came and minutes later she is reunited with David. He smiles as she takes off the white coat and the van starts to move, “So did you miss it?”

“I really did. Although this was pretty easy so ask me again when we have to do something dangerous.” They both smile at that and sit back to relax now that they are on their way home.  
-/-

When they arrive at the airport an hour later she sees the CIA agent approaching by his identifying baseball cap and David is oblivious as the brush pass occurs. The agent walks away with the data and the prototype and she and David head toward security.  
-/-

Saturdays have always been Emma’s day to run errands. She likes the mundane tasks that make her feel normal, if only for a few hours. Even spies have to go shopping for groceries.

However, now that she is a double agent needing clandestine meetings with her handler her outings are now seen as opportunities. Which means that her trip to the grocery store is no longer the spy-free time she craves.

The day after she returned from New York she received the message that he would find her in the store the next day around the normal time she goes. It’s easier to have it during her regular schedule in case SD-6 checks up on her.

Emma followed protocol as she made her way to her usual store, scanning to make sure she didn’t have a tail, and already she felt a bit of resentment for this breach of her precious downtime.

She’s in the produce section reaching for a plastic bag to get some fruit when she spots his dark head of hair approaching out of the corner of her eye. Killian saunters up to the bin across from her and she notices he’s munching on a cookie from an open box in the grocery basket slung across his left forearm.

Emma raises an eyebrow at that, which he must see because a faint smile plays at the corner of his mouth. He tosses some bananas into his basket and moves to the stand near her.

She doesn’t turn to acknowledge his presence, but evaluates him as she pretends to inspect a nectarine. He is wearing a simple navy blue t-shirt and jeans. She knows he has to blend, but it still throws her off seeing him in clothes he wouldn’t wear to the office. It’s almost like they are normal people not about to have a secret meeting.

The shirt is form fitting and Emma feels a surge of appreciation that she gets to see more of the body that’s usually pretty concealed by a suit. Now she has a better picture as the shirt clings to his muscles and although she knew his body had to be good, an unexpected heat rises on her skin as her mind wanders with the visual. Her eyes linger a bit too long and she feels his eyes watching her look at him.

Emma tears her gaze from his biceps and a faint blush comes over her at being caught. But when she looks at his face she realizes he was doing the same thing. It’s their first time seeing each other in the real world. Even if they have to steal glances and use hushed tones, they get to peak into who the other is when they aren’t on the job.

And that’s when she realizes she is wearing her comfy and not at all appealing clothes. She moves to get some grapes and curses herself mentally for not having the forethought when she was dressing. _Not that it matters. She just doesn’t feel comfortable having someone from work see her in sweatpants. Anyone from work…not just him._

He pops another cookie in his mouth and asks without looking at her, “Want one, Swan?”

She bites her lip for a moment and then her brain catches up to what he is offering because the cookies were not on her mind or what she’s craving. Emma scoffs, “Sharing Oreos doesn’t seem very discrete. Plus, I usually wait until I’ve actually bought my food before eating it.”

“It isn’t like I won’t purchase them, Swan, and they are delicious. Nobody said we couldn’t eat while we work.” He notices her eyeing the cookie container and a satisfied smirk sets on his face. “And besides they’re Double Stuf.”

_Well, who can resist? She’s only human._

Emma sends him a look at his smugness, but sneaks one out of the container because no one around them to see. She takes a bite before continuing. “Malcolm didn’t suspect any switch had been made. It seems like this mission was a success, even if we aren’t any closer to identifying Hades.”

She can hear the disappointed note that seeped in when thinking about not having progress in her fight to bring down SD-6. She knows Killian heard it too.

He glances up at her, “We’re only just beginning and every bit counts even if it doesn’t feel like it now. It isn’t about cutting off an arm of the monster. We want to kill the monster.”

He comes a bit closer and stares straight into her eyes. She can’t help but shuffle on her feet a bit, because she feels as though he sees her soul with the intensity he is emitting. “I swear to you that I will not rest until we have taken down the whole network. You will have justice.”

She doesn’t say anything in response even though she knows he is completely sincere in his vow. Instead her eyes drop and she turns back toward her cart rearranging some of the items because she needs to do something.

The mood lightens as he continues, “The tech division was able to make a decent replica of the prototype. With the key component missing and altered mechanisms, it will lead SD-6 to a dead-end if they work to develop it.”

The real version that Emma had retrieved now sat in CIA headquarters with the fake prototype and blueprints delivered to SD-6 by Emma after a CIA agent made the drop into her purse when she landed in Los Angeles. Malcolm was very glad for the victory and Emma won’t deny she did get some pleasure from him celebrating a failure.

“We’ll make contact after your next assignment is issued. Perhaps the next one will lead to more useful information about the network.” She nods and he begins to move away since there isn’t more to say, but stops and turns towards her. “Your partner, David, it said in your file you’ve known him since before you joined SD-6?”

The question confuses her because she doesn’t know where Killian is going with this, but she answers, “Yeah, David and I have known each other for a long time. We were recruited together actually. SD-6 likes to do that because it helps agents maintain their cover if they have someone to talk to. Reduces the chances they will tell someone outside of the organization, I guess.”

His face let’s her know the answer didn’t satisfy him. There’s something weighing on his mind. His next words come out like he is trying too hard to be nonchalant, “Ah. You seemed very _close_.”

Emma’s eyebrows raise and a grin forms as she realizes his real question. “You want to know if there’s something going on with me and David romantically?”

She laughs but tries to stifle it as they are still in public. “Ew. No.” Her nose wrinkles at the thought, “He’s practically family. And I bet his wife wouldn’t approve.”

A quiet “oh” comes from him as though the answer didn’t matter, but there is relief that he can’t completely hide. Her laugh dies out and she questions, “Why’d you want to know?”

“Just curious.” He smiles, “Best if I know about the people in your life as your handler and everything. So he’s married?”

“To my other friend who works at the agency actually. Her name’s Mary Margaret. They joined already dating; otherwise couples are rare in our work. SD-6 discourages fraternization between agents.”

“So does the CIA.”

There is a silent pause until Emma’s eyes follow his movement as he reaches for the cookies, bringing two out and handing her one. She inspects the rest of his basket wondering what type of food he likes, trying to get one more clue into his life. It’s filled with various kinds of junk food and very little of any other kind of food.

She naturally checks to make sure she hadn’t imagined that he was in shape by sweeping her eyes up and down his body before she blurts out, “Okay, I gotta know. Do you live in a gym? Or do you eat anything besides junk because how are you not 300 pounds?”

He quirks his eyebrow in amusement at her, but says nothing. She keeps going because it astounds her. “Seriously, we are surrounded by healthy food and you’ve only picked out one fruit. Get some vegetables or something.”

A hearty laugh escapes him. “I see. You must care about me if you’re worried about my health.”

Her eyes roll and she teases, “Nope, I don’t care about you one bit. I’m worried that you won’t be focused because of all the sugar in your body and I need you sharp on the job.”

“Oh so you only care about yourself then?” His voice is playful and he makes an exaggerated move of out putting a bag of mini carrots into his basket. “Satisfied?”

“Very.”

He rips the plastic away and opens the zip lock on the carrots bringing one out to eat. He takes a bite and cracks a smile at her, waiting for her to comment.

She eyes him and obliges, “If you eat all the food in here, you’ll have nothing by the time you leave. You could wait you know.”

“Quite right, Swan.” He steps a bit closer into her space and leans in slightly as though he is going to share a secret. He stares into her eyes, and her head clouds at the proximity. His words are low, “It’s just hard to resist seizing an opportunity when something I want is right in front of me.”

It takes a few moments before Emma remembers how to breathe. He is close and his words full of a double meaning and she really wants to run, but at the same time she can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

He grins and yet Emma is pretty sure she spots longing in the depths of his eyes. He’s definitely a take action kind of man, but she knows nothing can happen even if they both want something to happen between them. Not in the situation they’re in.

_And she wouldn’t want it anyway_. Even as she thinks it, she knows it’s a lie.

He nods at her and slowly walks away. She is still dazed for a beat after he disappears from view and then shakes her head before resuming her shopping. She discovers when she breaks out of the aimless stare she was giving the peanut butter that she can’t help thinking about the look he gave her or the way her heart skipped erratically at his nearness.

She sees him once more from afar as he walks out of the store with his purchases.  
 _Maybe having him in her personal routines wouldn’t be bad after all._


	4. Part Four

Killian’s pace quickens, as he gets closer to his destination, the anticipation of seeing her unconsciously urging him forward. When he realizes that he is near a full-on sprint he reins himself in, forcing his legs to slow down. Although he knows his body wants to betray him and continue to move as fast as possible, his desire to not show up drenched in sweat wins out and he resumes a steady jog.

He’s familiar with the path and so he realizes he is about to come out from the wooded area, which means the bench where she is will be in sight. He’s run this trail many times and by now he knows how many times his heart will beat before he hears her voice. It was mapped out unconsciously and is now seared into his brain.

He knows that his heartbeat will quicken even as he slows his pace at the end because the exertion of the run is nothing compared to being around Emma Swan. Killian spends the whole course thinking about what waits for him when he has finished.

It would surprise him that after months of being her handler he still feels a mixture of excitement and nervousness right before meeting with her, that’s if he didn’t realize that it’s because she makes his heart beat as it hasn’t done so in the longest time. It was as if her coming into his life woke him from a deep sleep he didn’t know he was in.

He’s fully aware of it though.

Parts of himself that he had shutdown and ignored the existence of have slowly returned. And instead of pushing these feelings away, he clung on to them like they were a lifesaver thrown to him after falling overboard.

How could he resist a fresh start when his life had become a stale routine? He had forgotten how good it all felt and now that he’s been reawakened he feels everything more intensely than he had ever known.

Now, with this awareness, being around her is simultaneously the best and worst part of his day. As much as he wants to be with her, he knows that even if she wants him as well nothing can happen while she is undercover. She has a job to do, and it would just complicate things. He can’t imagine her getting hurt.

_Or worse, ending up like Liam._

Still, in the back of his mind he can’t help but wonder if it’s worth the risk. If what they could have would only make their lives better and be a source of strength. Would there ever be a good time in their line of work or should they just take a chance on happiness?

This war between his head and his heart was nothing if not complicated. He’s never been good at disregarding his heart, even when he wished he could, and yet this situation has messed Killian up. Falling in love is complex enough without having the added danger of secret lives and the constant threat of being killed.

He had gone on autopilot and is only forced back into the present when his foot catches on a rock embedded in the path. He stumbles before emerging from the tree line. Luckily, she couldn’t see that.

The bench area is still a ways off, but he catches the golden gleam of her hair in the morning light. She has just arrived and although Emma isn’t turned towards him he knows she still can see him, the observant spy that she is.

Killian slows his pace and begins his cool-down. As he makes his final approach the dance of their meeting commences. It’s a familiar one. This meeting place is part of their rotating schedule.

She starts her warm up and he grabs a drink from the water fountain before moving to stretch near her. He scans the area and waits for the couple about to begin a walk to move out of earshot before he initiates the conversation.

“Good morning, Swan.”

She half-heartedly grumbles out a ‘morning’ in response that lets him know she thinks it’s anything except good, but gives him a slight smile despite her lack of enthusiasm.

He inspects her and sees that beneath her normal radiant self she does look a little rough around the edges. Probably had a late night out and is paying for it this morning. She most likely wants nothing more than to close her eyes and climb back into bed.

He stifles a snicker he knows will only provoke her and moves on to matters of business. She isn’t off the hook, but he decides to wait to question her until after she’s woken up a bit and work always gets her into gear.

“There’s nothing too special about your mission tomorrow. Seems fairly simple. You’re just going to read the account number out loud for us just like you’re doing for SD-6.”

She had detailed the op yesterday. SD-6 was sending her to a Vancouver bank where one of the safe-deposit boxes contains an enemy’s account information. CIA would track the account and follow the money to retrieve it so that SD-6 does not end up with more resources and hopefully get more intel on Hade’s network at the same time.

It was a little thing, but could help in the on-going battle against SD-6 and Hades. Emma would get into the safe-deposit room under the pretense of opening her own account and the bank would never know something happened so it was a lower risk assignment, especially compared to things she has had to do in the past.

Killian appreciated that.

“The transmitter we’re giving you works well underground which is where the lockbox room is located. There shouldn’t be any trouble you can’t handle. Get in, break into the box, read the number, and get out.”

Emma sluggishly shifts to stretch her other leg, “Yeah, pretty boring.”

She perks up a bit after a moment of consideration. “But I do get to use this new ring where the gem slides away and I only have to touch the pad underneath to a person’s skin for them to instantly fall asleep so there’s that at least. It’ll leave no trace so they won’t suspect anything.”

Killian smirks, “Well it is always fun to play with toys.” He pauses a moment while he moves into a new stretch and then continues, “How are things at SD-6? Having any problems?”

“Everything seems normal on that front. The only issue I’m having right now is actually coming from life outside of work. My roommate wants me to become more socially active because I’ve been doing less since…Graham. Which means I’m getting less rest than my normal minimal amount.”

It had taken a while, but Emma had slowly begun opening up to him more than was strictly necessary for a handler to know. At first it was only offhand comments here and there, but as they saw each other more often she began to talk about her life like she actually wanted him to know about it. There was still much of her past and herself that she left unspoken, but she did share things and that seemed like a really big deal with her.

“I see and might that explain your disheveled appearance this morning? Have a rowdy evening last night?”

Emma narrows her eyes at Killian and sarcastically replies, “Thanks, just the compliment I needed to start the day. Every girl wants to be called a mess.”

He gives her a cheeky grin, but tilts his head as he listens to her continue and takes in what he knows she isn’t saying.

“Ruby decided the best thing to do was make friends with some of the other women our age in the building. She’s been planning some girls’ nights and last night we were out late at a club.”

He doesn’t ask what he’s curious to know- what club were they at? (Maybe it’s one that he’s been to.) Did she find someone that caught her eye? (He hoped not.) And even would she have danced with him if he could have been there? (By the way she sometimes looked at him he thought she might.)- because that would cross the line. So instead he just listens and notes the concern hidden below her nonchalant attitude.

“It’s hard to use the excuse of being tired from a flight when she thinks I’m coming in from a bank conference in Denver instead of the transatlantic flight I was actually on. This is why spies don’t have friends. They take too much time and get so involved in every part of your life.”

He ponders her a moment. “I understand the need for rest, Swan, but I believe your friend is doing you a favor. This life shouldn’t be your only one and once you get out of it, you’ll be starting anew. It will be good to have people there to support you.”

That natural connection they’ve had, which allows him to see beneath the veneer that she puts on when hiding her emotions and fears, lets him understand what she is really worried about underneath her complaint.

His voice adjusts taking on a more somber tone as he continues; “Besides we are going above and beyond to monitor and make sure they do not discover any part of your secret life. You won’t have to go through another loss of a friend.”

“Can I get that as a guarantee?” Her words are sharp. Anger, pain, and fear seeping into them.

As her eyes demand truth in their stare he knows he desperately wants to make the promise. To confirm so she can enjoy herself and not live with the fear that proximity to her is a death sentence. But in this line of work, there are no guarantees.

“We are doing our best to keep you and everyone you love safe. Just don’t let that fear hold you back and isolate you, love.”

And just like every other time when the conversation becomes deeper and addressed hidden insecurities, Emma is the first to end the conversation. She gives a tight smile and then turns away to move towards the path. He knows this particular discussion is over.

Her voice becomes lighter, “Well I better get this over with so I can finally have some damn coffee. I bet you’re off to get some now, aren’t you?”

He smiles at the jealousy in her accusing tone. Killian realized she possesses a caffeine addiction early on in their time together. “Have a nice run. Keep your eye on the prize and soon you’ll be guzzling your coffee.”

Emma steps onto the trail to begin but as if out of compulsion Killian gently grabs her arm to stop her before she takes off. She meets his eyes and the words spill out before he has a chance to bite his tongue, “And Swan, you could be completely sleep-deprived and covered in filth and yet still manage to be the most stunning individual in the world.”

He drops his hand realizing the way he was holding her was too familiar. The words he said, too intimate. Her face is neutral and he carefully adds to make it less personal, “Just stating a fact that anyone can see. I meant no offense earlier.”

He knows she didn’t take any offense, but he still felt compelled to tell her. “See you when you return.”

Her eyebrows rise for the briefest moment and then she nods and takes off on her run a little faster than normal.  
-/-  
Killian had spent the rest of the morning cursing his transparency. Cursing his inability to keep his feelings for her out of their business. Mostly cursing himself because he had never acted like this before.

He wasn’t some lovesick chap. He was suave and charming. He didn’t struggle with ladies. He could woo them. Usually he was confident in his abilities and didn’t feel like a young lad unable to speak coherently around the lass he liked. Normally he didn’t go blurting out things that gave his feelings away out of the blue.

And despite the fact he knew he was a romantic, it didn’t help that the woman he liked was keeping him at a distance. Even if he did believe she might feel something as well.

_Complicated._ There is no better word to describe it.

It’s later in the day when he is in the room they use as a base for Emma’s missions that Killian’s mind refocuses. His mate Will is watching the monitors with him and paying attention to any sources that could be cause for concern.

Keeping their eyes on available security cameras and ears open to make sure things run smoothly it feels at times like they are just watching a show starring the glorious and badass Emma Swan. She has misled the staff about her intentions and is on her way to the basement where the lockboxes reside, the bank manager escorting her.

“Where’s the popcorn when you need it?” Will leans in towards the monitor resting his chin on his hand as Emma gets into the elevator with the tall, thin manager. She’s about to go into a no-camera area, which means they will only have audio on her.

Will Scarlet was recruited to the CIA after his skills for breaking into things proved that he would be better on their side then having him causing problems for them. His skills as a thief and hacker make him valuable, however he has proven difficult at times not wanting to be surrounded by authorities and struggling to keep his activity legal. After an initially rocky beginning, Will and Killian became drinking buddies and eventual friends.

Will wasn’t too pleased having to monitor such an unexciting op and he was making sure Killian knew it. He would have preferred something that demanded he hack into a network, breaking through passwords or planting false information. Instead they were listening to the manager spout the benefits of their bank- how the security system was powered by its own generator meaning it would be unaffected by city blackouts and the like- while they entered the vaulted room.

“Just focus, man. We’re about to get to the action and then you can run off and resume your unhealthy relationship with that computer that you pay more attention to than you pay to Anastasia.”

Will barks out a laugh, “Have you considered, mate, that I’m just weary of being around your yearning arse? This girl has changed you. You used to be fun.”

“For your sake I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, _mate_.” The hostile inflection at the end keeps Will’s mouth quiet and they resume paying full attention to the equipment.

They hear a thump over the speaker and Emma confirms to them as well as her partner that the manager was successfully knocked out by her ring. They listen to her move to lockbox 24613 and work the device given to her by SD-6 to break into it.

After a moment of shuffling through the box, “I got it. Delta-4-8-2-6-Alpha-7-Echo.”

They hear her partner confirm, “Okay the money is transferred.”

Killian looks at Will as he types furiously on his computer. “I don’t want to lose track of a single penny.”

Without breaking his stare from the screen Will slowly shakes his head, “You do know who you’re talking to, right? I got ‘em.”

“Good.”

Killian listens as she puts the items in the box back together and scans the screens for anything. Most of the scene is the same, but he spots a couple security guards getting into the elevator. It’ll only be a couple minutes before they’re near the vault room.

He turns on his transmitter, “Buttercup, you’ve got incoming in two. Better wrap it up.”

She doesn’t respond to him, but she tells David she just has to get the box back in its slot and they’ll be good to go. He hears metal scraping and the sounds of her working then her partner informs her there is a minute maximum before she has company.

“The box is stuck. It won’t slide in all the way.” Her effort becomes more pronounced as she rushes. Time is quickly running out.

If they catch her she could fight her way out a short ways, but with the heavy-duty security she wouldn’t get out. She would be identified and that means major trouble. SD-6 has a habit of making sure their agents don’t go into the justice system. They keep them untraceable and if that doesn’t work…they make sure they can’t talk. Her partner David wouldn’t be assigned to it or even know that she was executed by SD-6 agents, but there are other SD-6 members that are not naïve about their job.

“30 seconds.” David’s voice is intense clearly worried she’s might run out of time.

“It’s still jammed. I’m working on it.” She works well under pressure, he can’t hear elevated stress levels, but he has no doubt she realizes just how bad this could turn out.

“Bloody hell.” Killian barely hears Will’s remark as his mind begins to race trying to think of ways to help.

He’s confident in her abilities, but there doesn’t seem like a good out. How could she play off having a knocked-out manager and being in a box that doesn’t belong to her? He feels the anxiety rise as he deliberates what to do.

Should he send in the troops and yank her out to keep her protected? If she gets caught, her cover is blown. At this point there is nothing that he or his on-site team can do to distract the guards. She’s in too isolated of an area, which is probably why the SD-6 team has done nothing either.

But he could have the CIA take her into custody and make sure she is out of a public eye where a gun could find her.

He’s about to reach out to his team, his worry for her only growing, when he hears the unfamiliar, stern voice of a guard through Emma’s earpiece. “What’s going on?”

Emma’s response comes out much more fearful and higher than normal, “He just fainted! I was checking on him, but thank goodness you’re here now! I’ll call an ambulance. I have to go upstairs for a signal. Give him some air.”

A minute later she’s speaking calmly, clearly in the elevator alone. “All’s clear.”

David breathes a sigh of relief that Emma can hear, but is shared by all who were listening in. “That was too close. I’m glad it worked out. See you in a minute.”

Will is shaking his head in disbelief. It’s apparent this exhilarating turn changed his opinion about this op. “That woman has nerves of bloody steel. I can see why you fancy her.”

He doesn’t comment, all Killian can do is smile that she’s okay and breathe. He didn’t ruin everything and she wasn’t going to disappear into protective custody.

She didn’t get caught.  
-/-  
Killian leans back in his office chair and closes his eyes thankful this day wasn’t an overwhelming one. There was too much excitement on yesterday’s op and as much as he is a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie dying to get back into the field- he doesn’t like it when it’s Emma out there.

But everything worked out.

She had a successful mission and it only took him about 3 glasses of rum that night to calm himself. He had wished so much that he could have visited her when her plane landed, but it was too risky. Even seeing her from a distance wasn’t a good idea. Not after such a close call.

Instead, he had been dragged (okay he went pretty willingly) to the bar by Robin and Will and let his drink of choice relax him. And it did the trick. He went to sleep that night and woke up to another mundane day full of paperwork. Only today he appreciated the mediocrity more than he ever thought he would.

A small laugh escapes his mouth as Killian contemplates how so much of his current attitude toward Emma reflects the man he was in his rookie days. Back when he lived strictly by the rules. Safety and protocol had always been so essential to him.

His brother used to tease Killian about his more uptight nature when he was initiated into the agency with fresh eyes and a strong moral code. He couldn’t have imagined back then all that he would do in the future. How he would come to bend the rules and ignore his code. How he would live in a gray area because nothing was ever simple.

Things change though. He never expected to lose his brother. He never thought he would mess up his hand, which would lead him to meeting a stubborn blonde that would turn his life upside-down.

Now there is a conflict within himself between the two Killians. Follow the rules and she will be safe. Bend the rules, and they could have a chance to be together.

Be selfless or selfish.

The problem was he didn’t really think wanting to be with her was actually selfish. Killian didn’t think falling in love could be a bad thing. And that’s what makes it worse because he wouldn’t feel like he was being a bad guy if he did fight for her. He could be both Killians because no matter what or who he was, he would always be drawn to Emma Swan.

Yesterday showed him just how much she means to him when he thought he could lose her. It wasn’t even a dangerous mission and yet it could have been the end. She could have been out of his life for good.

( _He doesn’t know it yet, but a decision had already been made deep within him the day before. He had to lay his heart out for her, offering himself if she was interested. He knew it may not be the right time for her, but he could wait. And he would unless she didn’t want him. He wanted to live a real life and he wanted her to be a part of it. It was becoming more and more evident over to him as his heart’s desires grew louder_.)

A brisk knock at the door interrupts his thoughts, “Mr. Jones, I’m glad I caught you before you left for the night.”

The man he recognizes from retrieval comes over and hands what Killian instantly recognizes as one of Emma’s coded messages to him.

“It was collected from a drop site only 10 minutes ago. We thought it best you see it right away.”

He looks at it and immediately understands the urgency. Killian feels his heart plummet and blinks a few times hoping that somehow he is misreading the words.

_Everything was good. She got away clean._

But when he reads them again they are the same dreadful words. He wills them to miraculously change, but the words on the page are in her slightly sloppy handwriting.

**SD-6 ON MOLE HUNT.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the new chapter that I hadn't published anywhere yet. Alias fans will recognize something in the chapter. Hope you enjoy it :)

Out of the small plane window clouds are cast in a warm, golden light from the setting sun. But instead of taking in the beauty of the scene in front of her, Emma’s mind is completely absorbed with her almost failure. She unseeingly looks out the window to keep David, who sits beside her fiddling with an empty water cup, from telling her how worried he had been and how he should have found a way to help her.

She doesn’t want to see the crease set between his eyebrows. The one that deepens anytime she has a close call and his anxiety thinking he should have done more flares up (even when there was nothing he could have done). She loves her friend, but now is not the time to soothe him from having his protective, practically parental, tendencies. Between him and Mary Margaret, Emma sometimes forgot she was an orphan.

No, this time was for her and her own thoughts.

Emma couldn’t stop berating herself. How was _that_ the mission that almost exposed her? A child could have easily done it and yet a stupid jammed lockbox could have been her downfall. She wasn’t even concerned that it had almost put her in a tremendously dangerous situation (which was probably a bad thing). All Emma could think about was how she hadn’t done any damage yet.

If she had been caught, SD-6 would go on and there wouldn’t be anyone there who knew the truth and worked to destroy it. Her friends would continue to be pawns and help the corrupt without realizing, and no justice would be served for the life stolen from her. She feels a pang in her heart as a memory of Graham is brought to the surface of her mind.

They were all hanging out in her apartment having a game night. Ruby was kicking their ass in Scrabble, apparently her word of the day calendar really was effective. Graham was trying to bluff with words he made up making a case for each one. He even got away with it sometimes. His stupid grin as he made a dumb joke that no one else thought was funny, but had him dying of laughter still brought a smile, although now pained, to Emma’s face. She loved those ordinary nights with her friends, back before her life became even more complicated.

By the time the plane’s wheels touch the tarmac of LAX, a new resolve burns within Emma. She shoves the hurt from the memory of Graham into one of the many compartments of her heart and lets the leftover anger refuel her. It was just the kick in the ass she needed to make sure she stays focused. Emma hops into one of the many yellow cabs sitting idle in front of the airport and directs the driver to her home. She closes her eyes and realizes she is feeling better about this whole situation. She may actually get a decent night’s sleep tonight. _That would be a change_.

The feeling of renewed vigor, and even optimism, lasts until mid-afternoon the next day. She first gets the initial feeling that something is off during Malcolm’s debrief with her team. On the surface he praises the job done well and tells them how beneficial this mission was. He speaks about how glad he is that Emma is quick on her feet, but something about his behavior bothers her more so than normal. When he casually mentions there will be meetings scheduled tomorrow, a knot forms in her stomach.

_This is bad. Something is wrong._

She returns to her desk with a mask of composure hiding the fact that her danger sensor is going haywire. Emma is a mouse trapped in a snake’s den and the snake has finally caught her scent. It takes all the control she has of herself to keep from giving in to the flight instinct her body is signaling. Throughout the remaining part of the workday she constantly reminds herself there is still a chance everything is fine. _If they were certain, she would be taken into their custody by now._

But despite being apprehensive, nothing out of the ordinary happens. Everyone acts the same and she feels no air of suspicion in the environment. When it’s finally time to leave the office she feels a sense of relief and begins questioning her instincts. _Maybe she overreacted. Maybe she was just being paranoid._

Everything seems normal. The meetings are probably a standard checkup to make sure there are no problems within the team. She even lets herself really laugh at the corny joke Mary Margaret tells her, as they get into the elevator.

But that fleeting lightheartedness is immediately replaced by a sense of impending doom when she catches a glance of a familiar profile entering Malcolm’s office. He must have just arrived, called in by Peter Malcolm only for the special occasions when the truth had to be uncovered.

The scars on his long face distinguish him so that Emma is certain she hadn’t misidentified the man. Felix had been called in, and that meant she would be tested with a lie detector tomorrow and if he discovered the truth…she would be questioned with far less pleasant objects.

The elevator doors dings as it closes and she knows this could be the last time she leaves this building of her own volition.

* * *

It takes the CIA little time to schedule a meet after Emma informed them of the problem. Extra safety measures are initiated, as they all know they must be even more cautious if SD-6 is on the hunt. She has to shake a tail sent by SD-6, but only a few hours later she arrives at their warehouse.

The moment Emma spots him there is a slight easing of the anxiety gripping her heart. As if somehow his presence has a calming effect, making her almost feel safe, despite the worry that radiates from him.

“Swan.” He breathes out her name and she can feel familiar tension in the air between them. She notices he takes a small step forward, moving as if intending to embrace her. And strangely enough she accepts that secretly she wants nothing more than to be held by him. That just in this moment, amidst all the drama and danger surrounding her, she would receive his arms wrapping around her body and bringing her close to his chest. She even leans forward a little bit, unconsciously anticipating the comfort of his warm and welcoming body.

But the moment quickly passes. And as she once again closes herself off, he stops mid-step in a controlled restraint, his eyes never leaving hers. It’s clear he sensed the abrupt change within her. They continue staring at each other with the ghost of what could have been lingering in the air until Emma feels too overwhelmed and breaks the connection by increasing the distance between them. She moves to sit in her metal folding chair and tries to ignore the embarrassment she feels.

Killian remains in the same spot and Emma pretends not to observe the defeated manner in which his eyes shut and his head drops slightly forward. He takes a deep breath. And when he opens his eyes, the disappointment is wiped clean from his features. He moves to the only other chair and the concern for her is once again apparent on his face.

“How are you doing?” He speaks with the intensity she has grown used to whenever the situation becomes serious or when he knows there are feelings she is concealing.

Her reply spills out, fear and anger making it sound harsher than she intends. “Other than feeling like I’ve completely screwed this whole thing up and now could be caught and either tortured or killed, most likely both, I’m doing okay.” She shrugs as if trying to distance herself from the words, but she knows the weight of them cannot escape her.

“It’s not your fault, love. You couldn’t avoid having the lockbox malfunction and you still did a great job despite the complication. We’re presuming they discovered a foreign transmission doing a sweep after the trouble to make sure someone they didn’t have eyes on didn’t compromise you. If they discovered our signal it’s heavily encrypted. And when they get past the encryption, it’s been made to look like the bank’s own communication courtesy of Will, our tech genius. They’ll find it looks like a secure transfer or something of that sort.”

He stops to allow her time to process the information. It’s supposed to give her relief, but instead she realizes that means the only way she will be discovered is if she can’t pass the test.

She takes a deep breath, preparing herself mentally, trying to grasp on to the confidence she is expected to have in her abilities. The confidence that’s been diminishing ever since she messed up in the bank the day before.

“Okay. No problem. I was trained to pass a polygraph so I should be fine then.” There’s no conviction behind her words, but she does know her training will help her out as it always does.

Killian bites his lip in hesitation holding back whatever it is that Emma can see he knows and she doesn’t. But he has to tell her, “This isn’t going to be like the polygraph you were trained for.” Emma’s brows pinch together in confusion as Killian continues to explain. "The technology has become more advanced. And it’s more common to use the better machine because so many learned how to deceive by remaining calm. The new tech takes a lot more effort to pass, although it is possible. We assume SD-6 didn’t update this training for the very reason we are here. They don’t want their agents to be able to trick them if it comes to it.”

It feels as though her heart has dropped into her stomach. _Could this get any worse?_

“Emma I, for one, have every confidence you will be able to do it.” She releases the shaky breath she’s been holding because he seems so sure of her. “There is no way I would ever let you go back if I had _any_ doubt that you couldn’t handle it.”

And she believes it. She knows he would put her in protective custody if she didn’t feel comfortable, if she wanted out. But just knowing that he has so much faith in her awakens a belief that she can do it too.

“Alright. What do I have to do?”

Killian smiles. “The new test uses functional magnetic resonance imaging. It measures blood flow to the emotional part of the brain. In order to mislead the fMRI, you need to divert the blood by engaging the reasoning center.”

“Hook me up then. It sounds like we have some practicing to do and not that much time to do it in.” She’s not enthused, but at least there isn’t the edge of panic in her voice.

Killian moves his chair closer to Emma so he can connect her to the fMRI and grabs an electrode with his good hand. She tries to ignore the fact that their knees are now touching. But even through the coverage of their pants, her skin has awoken with pleasure at the small contact. He concentrates on the task at hand and it doesn’t seem to have any effect on him. So she tries to focus and get a grip on her stupid body’s reactions to being near him.

Killian has his eyes trained on the blonde hair that covers part of her forehead, the hair that is blocking the target areas where she has to be connected to the machine. He releases the electrode and instead gently captures the strand between his fingers. A small smile tugs at his lips and then, as he brushes the hair behind her ear, his gaze breaks from his task and catches her own gaze. A spark of electricity travels through her.

It seems as though he’s taking his time. Of course Emma doesn’t know if he truly is or if it just seems that way because he is so close to her and the proximity clouds her head. But the gentle caress and the way he is looking at her makes Emma believe he is enjoying it as much she is. She swallows hard and looks down. Under different circumstances it would be an intimate gesture, but she reminds herself this has to be done.      

She tries to harness her reactions, rationalize them, and explain to herself that it means nothing. He’s attractive and she hasn’t had contact with a man in quite a while. He brings the electrodes to her now unobstructed forehead and every time she feels his hand on her face she gets pleasure from the contact making her skin tingle.

Her eyes unconsciously move from watching his to staring at his mouth. She looks at the tempting lips so close to her face and there is an overwhelming desire to seize them with her own. _What is wrong with her?_ This is completely ridiculous. She must be reacting this way because of all she has been through and all the stress she has right now. It must feel different with him than anyone else before because she’s desperate to feel something other than worry. She just wants to feel good. _It doesn’t mean anything_.

When she realizes she’s biting her lip, she forces herself to tear her eyes from his enticing mouth, away from him at all in fact. She stares at her hands fiddling with themselves in her lap. Whether she admits the reason why or not, Emma is grateful the fMRI hasn’t been turned on now that she’s connected because she knows the emotional part of her brain is very active at the moment.

Her head finally clears when he pulls away after double-checking all the attached electrodes. She engages her mind on what’s she’s going to have to do, ignoring the lasting buzz through her body from what just happened. They begin their session.

Killian starts with simple questions that don’t provoke too much emotional response. He mixes in questions where she has to lie and those where she would be able to answer honestly. She gets frustrated anytime the number on the fMRI screen jumps over 30, because that means she is lying and she failed at concealing it. _She cannot fail._

They go over any that she reacts to until she is able to lie with ease and then he continues on to a question more emotionally involved. It takes about 52 minutes before she yells at him. The number rose to 50 on an important question and there was an annoying high-pitched beep rubbing in her failure. If this were real she would be dead by now. He’s demanding she split her focus, but the anger swells because her focus is constantly split. She’s constantly thinking and compartmentalizing between SD-6, CIA, her friends, and the one she leaves unsaid, _him_.

Killian reaffirms his belief in her abilities until she calms and at 58 minutes they are moving along again. He repeats the question. “Have you ever had any unauthorized contact with any intelligence agency other than SD-6?”

She splits her focus like he told her and calmly answers, “No.”

They both watch the number on the screen turn green and fall down to 24. Killian looks pleased. “Better.”

Numerous questions later it seems her training is paying off. She’s finding it easier to deceive and she knows by tomorrow she will be able to fool them. They continue to practice though because there can be no doubt. Killian has a large book of potential questions, and she swears he is going to make her answer every last one so that she won’t have any problems.

He finds the next question and reads intently from the page, only looking up at her after he’s finished to take in her reaction, “Are you romantically interested in anyone?”

She’s taken aback, but her only response is raising her eyebrows questioningly.

“It could be asked.”

Emma huffs out an exasperated breath, but she knows SD-6 will probably want to know. It’s a logical question despite the fact she doesn’t like that Killian is getting pleasure from asking it. She makes her voice even, “No, I am not.”

The number shoots up to a red 59 and that blasted sound broadcasts her brain’s activity. She can tell he’s satisfied as he examines the monitor, “Interesting.”

He’s not even pretending to hide the smirk on his face, _the scoundrel_ , and her jaw sets in determination. “Wait, ask me that again.”

Somehow despite appearing like the cat that ate the canary, he manages to sound like a distanced professional. “No, I don’t have to. We’ve got our answer right here.” He gestures to the mocking, red digits, “Moving on.”

She rolls her eyes, but appreciates that she won’t have to answer that with him again right now. It would have been easily passed if the one she was interested in had not been asking the question. He’ll probably come back to it after she has more control, which is a good thing.

Emma leaves the warehouse late in the night (or is it early in the morning?) confident that the test will not expose her. Her head is pounding from all the exertion, but it's better to feel like that than to be killed tomorrow. That is all she allows herself to concentrate on. She isn’t going to give herself a chance to ponder all that was revealed about her feelings to both of them during the hours they sat in the warehouse.

* * *

She wants to punch Felix in the face. It takes all her restraint not to. He stares at her with his shark eyes, dark and emotionless. Emma knows he is getting pleasure at the discomfort the question he just asked caused her. The one she knew he would ask, yet somehow it still blindsided her.

“Need repeating, agent?” He’s so smug in his attempts to make her break. “Do you harbor negative feelings towards SD-6 after the _necessary_ death of your friend, Graham Humbert?”

She disguises that hatred and stares straight into the beady, hollow eyes of her questioner. “No.”

Her brain behaves and the number remains safely beneath 30. He continues to ask question after question until he has run out and then he pauses, leering at her. He’s reluctant when he finally speaks in an annoyed, childish tone, “We’re done. You may leave.”

David, Mary-Margaret, and Emma have lunch after the meetings. They sit together and joke about Felix’s creepiness and his pleasure at watching them squirm. Apparently, he was just as hostile with them. David recounts how he answered sarcastically to the “are you romantically interested in anyone” question and Felix looked like he was going to murder him. He puts his hand over Mary-Margaret’s, and looks at her lovingly, “You wouldn’t think he would need to ask that question.”

A faint blush finds it way to Emma’s cheeks as she reflects on her own experience with the question. She was just relieved Felix as the interrogator didn’t evoke the same effect as her blue-eyed handler.

* * *

Once she is able to leave for the day she heads straight to the store to pick up some wine before going home to her apartment. It’s been that kind of day, well week, and she knows Ruby will want to partake.

She would've been fine if she had stuck to a glass or maybe even two. But her brunette roommate is in charge of pouring and soon they both are feeling the effects of the drink. Ruby is going on and on about the cute guy she met at the bar who had intrigued her with stories of his travels. She mentions that he has a friend and that they all could go do a group thing, when her eyes narrow at Emma.

“What was that face?” She accuses peering at the confused blonde.

“This is just my face! I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“No, no, no. You made a face when I mentioned you didn’t have anyone and should come out with us.” Ruby cracks a smile and gets louder, triumphant that she has decoded the expression, “You _like_ someone!”

She jumps across the red couch they’ve been lounging on and Emma gasps at the pain as her friend’s elbows crash into her ribs. Ruby has invaded her space, animatedly preparing to hear the secret she believes Emma possesses.

“I do _not_.” Emma is indignant, but she sees the determination on Ruby’s face and can predict the outcome of their conversation. It’s not at all surprising that she was able to trick an advanced piece of technology, but not Ruby. The girl is a Bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out feelings.

Ruby completely ignores the denial, “Tell me _everything_. Is he cute? What’s his name? Where did you meet him? You start talking and I’ll refill our glasses.”

Emma hesitates, deciding how much she should say, how much she can say. But it’s been a difficult week and she still feels weird about what she felt last night in the warehouse. She wants to talk to someone even if not much is revealed. “I guess there is this guy from work, but I’m not sure what’s going on. And we can’t even be together anyway so it doesn't matter if something is.”

“Wow. Way to bring an exciting convo down right away. Why can’t you do anything with him?”

“It’s…company policy. There’s no interoffice dating.”

Ruby shakes her head, “I say screw that dumb bank and go for it.” She whines, “C’mon, I want more!”

A small giggle escapes Emma’s mouth as her roommate give Emma her trademark puppy face. She really has drunk a lot because she relents, “Well, I’ve known him for four months now and we’ve actually gotten pretty close.” She pauses. For some reason admitting it out loud is harder than she would like. “And the more I get to know him the more I can’t help these stupid, inconvenient feelings that I’ve never felt before. Every time we’re together there’s just something between us. It's overwhelming.”

A genuine smile grows on Emma’s face as she thinks of him and Ruby beams in response, “Emma, this is so good for you! You’re practically glowing talking about him.”

She’s really glad there aren’t any bugs able to transmit in her apartment, because no one else can hear this. “His name is Killian.”

“What?” She bounces enthusiastically, “Please tell me that means he’s from another country and has an accent!”

Somehow Emma’s smile grows even bigger and she gives a little nod. They are big fans of accents. “He's from England.”

“Oh, girl, this is getting better and better! He must be so sexy.”

Emma finds this part of the conversation much easier to vocalize. “Killian is probably the sexiest, most gorgeous man on earth. If I had a picture, Ruby, I would show you God’s gift to mankind.” A laugh escapes them both and she goes on to explain just how enticing the man she has a crush on truly is.

Once the words start flowing she can’t stop talking about him. Whether it’s the alcohol or the catharsis of finally admitting her feelings, which she has been lying about to even herself, she feels so good. By the end of her dreamy description, Ruby is telling Emma she _has_ to call him. Tonight. She can’t let this stupid rule get in the way.

And Emma almost picks up her cell. She’s so caught up in the moment, and her feelings, and Ruby’s encouragement and fueled by liquid courage that she wants to call him and ask him out. That is until she realizes that she isn’t allowed to contact him on his cell unless it’s an absolute emergency, because it greatly increases the risk. She realizes this even in her inebriated state, and once again she is hit with reality.

This is why she has ignored her feelings. _Because they can’t be together._ It’s not just the fear of her feelings, but because the situation is too complicated and life-threatening. A sobering realization, she turns back to her friend and explains that she has to follow the rules and that her job is too important to her.

Emma tries to cover her disappointment, but it’s harder after drinking. Ruby's arm goes around her shoulders and then she rests her head on Emma’s blonde one.

“At least you know there is someone out there who can make you feel like this.” It’s not a very comforting thought because she wants him. Not someone else. She has finally allowed herself to accept it, and now it’s only going to make things harder. Ruby adds in a more lighthearted tone, “And now you know the first thing you are going to do if you get fired!”

She smiles. And then they move on from this topic to discuss Ruby’s plans for the next ladies night because Emma doesn’t want to think about it anymore and Ruby knows her well enough to understand that.  


* * *

Emma has an ache in her head as she wakes the next morning. Her eyelids are at war with her mind. She attempts to get them to open so she can start the day despite wishing she could remain in the cozy bed. After finally getting dressed she enters the kitchen and finds Ruby sitting at the table appearing quite grouchy.

“We’re out of coffee.” Ruby’s voice is grave and exuding discontent.

Of all days, it has to be one like this that they run out of their coffee. That is unacceptable. Emma groans and whispers her reply, “Must. Get. Caffeine.”

In silent agreement they head out the door on a hunt for their morning kick. They know of this little coffee shop that they’ve wanted to try since it’s close to both of their workplaces and looks like it has great scones. They head in that direction and the cool air as they walk transforms them from their zombie state to one of the living. By the time Emma grabs their orders and gets pushed toward an open table that Ruby found, she is already feeling better about having to be awake.

She turns to look back at her friend for one second and that is all it takes before she’s bumped into someone and has to use her quick reflexes to not tilt the coffee cups onto the person. The man, attractive by Ruby’s audible intake of breath, turns around while Emma concentrates on regaining equilibrium of the coffee.

“Sorry. I suppose I was blocking-“

Emma knows that voice. She shifts her eyes from the cups and is staring into the piercing blue ones she had never expected to see here. Her heart flutters because it’s _him_ and somehow he's _here_.

Killian finishes his sentence; now seeing who it is that ran into him. “-the way.”

_The universe must be screwing with her._

 


End file.
